20 December 2006
An alternative ethical Christmas
Nick Martlew takes a sideways look through festive spectacles at Oxfam’s work.
At this time of celebration and giving, spare a thought for those who are less fortunate than you - some people have got tickets to watch the final Tests matches between England and Australia. The world can be so cruel.
Here are some suggestions for how you and Oxfam can – but probably shouldn’t – change the world this Christmas.
Make Trade Fair
Try to ensure your Christmas decorations are made in fair conditions. Fairies are shackled to sweatshop benches making their eponymous lights, so instead of buying the lights, employ the fairies – on a living fairy wage and with paid fairy holiday – to stand on your Christmas tree holding fairy sparklers. Or, if your budget can stretch to it, try Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference leprechauns-in-tutus (only available in orange).
Oxfam Unwrapped
Put a twist of movie-drama into the school nativity play: use product placement! Put an Oxfam Unwrapped tag around the donkey. Or use an alpaca. Or just re-enact the Life of Brian and see if anyone notices.
Control Arms
Do your bit for tolerance and integration this Christmas: use copies of the Daily Mail as fuel for your chestnut-roasting open fire. To minimise the impact on the environment (we’re all about mainstreaming climate consciousness here) capture the resultant noxious emissions and bury them. If you need someone to help, use the new interactive digital feature on the Queen’s speech to ask her for a hand with the digging. She’s always ready to get her hands dirty.
Stop Climate Chaos
Go to Lapland (by some environmentally-friendly method: perhaps you could ride a Cameron, if you can pin him down) to check if Santa’s windows are double-glazed, if his electricity is from a wind turbine, and if his reindeer use hybrid fuel technology. If it’s not, fine him four carrots and a tot of rum. Then confiscate his sledge and make sure every child gets a stern lecture on consumerism for Christmas.
Essential Services
The dangers of excess are all too evident around this time of year. Millions of people across the country will indulge to excess in Morecombe and Wise, Noddy Holder, embarrassing flirting, and Top 100 programmes (hosted by Jimmy Carr, obviously.) If you think you’re one of those people then the best recourse may be to admit yourself to one of the Institutes for the Incurably Festive. It will be easier for us all.
Merry Christmas!
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Nick Martlew was born in Malaysia. This is his interesting fact. A graduate of Oxford and Sheffield, Nick then sold his soul to Oxfam for the price of lunch and travel. As a campaigns volunteer in Leeds he took part in the Change programme and he is now an intern, researching Oxfam's humanitarian protection work.
Ideally, Nick would like to be paid, perhaps even in a job he enjoys, like in advocacy or speech-writing.
Until then, he is editor of 
