Writing a Will is an act of care, love and defiance

There are so many PRIDE festivals, that even my little Welsh town has one! It wasn’t like that at the first Cardiff Pride, just 26 years ago – it felt radical and in some ways very intimidating. It was just after the bombing of the Admiral Duncan, abolishing section 28 was the focus of our uni LGB group marches (LGB. as it was back then). The theme was purple and gold, I’d recently come out and found my tribe. My friend Ian – who I loved dearly, was a DJ at the gay bar I worked at, he and I both were covered in gold body paint, with a purple bedsheet toga dancing to STEPS, Vengaboyz and Cher. It felt like freedom – just to be who we wanted to be – our real selves!

We all wore our ‘clubbing’ clothes, the drag queens wheeled his coffin in (no one dared carry him in those heels!), and ‘Seasons in the Sun’ (Westlife version of course) played. It was joyful, full of love and authentic – just like Ian.

Ian had both his family and his chosen family around him. However, for the ‘Boomers’, and to some degree Gen X, for the LGBT + community, the chosen family often plays a far more important role than the biological one, with many older people ostracised by their own family. Your chosen family are those who accept you, celebrate you and encourage you to be your ‘real -self’ - just like Ian had done for me. And let’s face it, as a community (despite our differences), we are all united in the fight to live as our ‘real selves’.

That’s why I wrote my Will, my Will represents me and my values. It includes gifts to charities that mean a lot to me, who will be my child’s guardian, and who gets the dubious honour of being custodian of my Salt & Pepper Pot collection.

But in all seriousness, it is something I feel genuinely passionate about. The laws of intestacy, whilst functional, do not allow for the complexities of modern life. Your chosen family, your non-biological children, even your name and gender identity might not be respected if you don’t leave clear wishes.

By writing your Will and choosing the right executor, who you are, who you love, your chosen name, your authentic gender, your ‘queer identity’ are maintained and honoured. This is especially important for our trans brothers, sisters and siblings. With transgender rights under constant attack and hard-won progress at risk, a Will can help ensure that your correct name is used, that your gender is respected, and that your final wishes reflect your authentic-self lives on. Your end of life should do your life justice and reflect who you truly are.

Of course, we all feel like ‘oh I am too young to consider that’, especially when it sometimes feels like we are only now living our ‘real lives’. Writing a Will is a sensible adult thing to do, a sort of insurance policy if you will. But it can be more than just a legal document. It’s an act of care. An act of declaring your love. An act of defiance!

So as I run off to sort out my outfit for Pride Cymru – to celebrate how far we’ve come, and continue to fight for what matters – may I just gently encourage you to think about what your legacy means to you?

Regardless of your age, your wealth, or your circumstances, we all deserve to have our wishes respected and our story honoured. If you’re curious about where to start, check out our Free Will service and FAQs. It’s simple, it’s free, and it’s one of the most empowering things you can do.

Peace & Love

Mx Jones (Parent and Oxfam Legacy Pledger)